An online friend asks for money. Is it a romance scam?

The problem

You have been chatting with someone online for weeks. They are warm and interested in your life, and they write often. They say they would love to meet, but something always gets in the way: work abroad, an oil rig, military service or an international organisation. Then a problem arises that only money can solve.

Loneliness is common and nothing to be ashamed of. These scams succeed because they offer real feelings of attention, and that is why they cause so much hurt.

How it can happen

The FTC explains that scammers create fake dating or social media profiles, or contact you on sites such as Instagram or Facebook. They push to move the conversation off the platform and chat often to build trust. They claim they cannot meet in person, and invent urgent money needs such as medical bills, travel tickets, visas or legal fees. They may also suggest investing in cryptocurrency.

The FTC lists the warning signs. There is strong interest but repeated excuses for not meeting. There are requests for money, especially urgent ones. The payment method is a wire transfer, gift cards where you share the PIN, a money transfer app or cryptocurrency. The profile photo is linked to other names or details that do not match.

The crypto version is worth a note. The FTC's crypto guidance lists romance scams where a new online contact asks you to send money or crypto, or offers help with investing.

How to avoid it

1. Never send money or gifts to someone you have not met in person.
2. Slow down and talk to someone you trust, such as a friend or family member. The FTC advises this. A second opinion helps when feelings are involved.
3. Run a reverse image search on the profile photo. If the same picture appears under a different name, that is a red flag.
4. Search the person's job with the word scammer to see whether others have reported similar stories.
5. Stop contact if you suspect a scam. You do not owe an explanation.
6. Tell the platform, meaning the dating site, app or social network where you met, and report to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
7. If you paid, contact the company or bank you used right away, tell them you paid a scammer and ask for a refund. For gift cards, call the issuer. Our guide to reporting a scam in the US lists steps by payment type.

Concern for someone else's online relationship needs tact. The FTC's Pass It On idea is to start with a short article rather than a lecture. Helping a parent who keeps getting scam calls offers ways to open that conversation.

Things to watch

• A new contact who declares strong feelings very quickly.
• A reason they cannot video call or meet.
• A request for money, however small at first.
• A story about an emergency, a visa or a ticket.
• A suggestion to invest, especially in crypto, or to use a particular app.
• A request to keep the relationship secret.
• Photos that look professional or that appear under other names.

Many people who are caught by these scams are thoughtful and careful in other parts of life. If this has happened to you or someone you know, reporting it and telling someone are good first steps, and neither is a sign of foolishness. For the investment side, see the crypto advisor scam.