How to set a family safe word

Why it's hard to tell

When a loved one sounds frightened on the phone, thinking calmly feels almost impossible. That is the point of the call. A cloned or well acted voice, a quick story and a request for money all arrive together.

The FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center warned in December 2024 that criminals can use AI to produce short audio clips of a person's voice, then use them in a family emergency story that asks for money or a ransom. A voice can no longer settle the question, but a word that only the family knows can.

Common tricks used

• A call that begins with crying or a panicked voice and claims a relative is in trouble.
• A request for secrecy, such as asking you not to tell a parent.
• A demand for money by an unusual method, such as gift cards or cryptocurrency, which the FBI advises not sending to people you have only met by phone or online.
• A second voice that takes over and claims to be a lawyer or officer.
• Details about the family gathered from social media, which make the story sound right.

Our article on the grandchild in trouble call shows how one of these calls unfolds.

How to verify, step by step

1. Choose the word together. Gather the people who might call or be called, such as parents, children and grandchildren. Everyone should agree on the same word or phrase.
2. Pick something that others cannot guess. Avoid pet names, birthdays, street names and anything on social media. A short phrase that sounds like nothing in particular works well.
3. Keep it private. Share it in person or in a call you trust. The FBI also suggests limiting public images and voice recordings and keeping social media accounts private, which makes cloning harder.
4. Write it down once. Keep it somewhere safe, away from the phone. Some families keep a note in a drawer.
5. Use it. When a call asks for money in an emergency, ask for the word before anything else. A real relative will understand. If the caller cannot give it, hang up.
6. Then call back. Ring the person on the number you already have, or ring another relative who can reach them. The FBI advises hanging up and calling the person back on a known number.
7. Change it if it leaks. If you suspect someone else knows the word, agree on a new one. Treat it like a password.

A gentle way to raise the topic is to say you read about this and want everyone covered. A short chat is enough, and the idea tends to stick.

Things to watch

• A caller who says they cannot remember the word because of the stress. A real person usually can, and you can still hang up and check.
• A caller who gets angry that you asked.
• A word that the whole extended family knows, since it can drift out.
• Messages and voice notes as well as calls. Apply the same rule to a request for money by text.

A safe word works alongside other habits. Our guide to helping a parent who keeps getting scam calls covers more of them, and the FTC's alert on AI and family emergency scams explains why a familiar voice is no longer enough on its own.